I should go visit my grandparents’ gravesides.

I’ve never even been to my grandmother’s. It’s sort of like, maybe I’m a little bit in denial still, even though it’s been almost 5 years. If I go, and see the marker, it will make it all real and I’ll totally lose it.

She is everywhere here. And I wish like hell that she was really here.

The other day, I had the fleeting thought to pick up the phone and call her. I haven’t had one of those moments in a long, long time.

Will I ever get over this?

Being home. It’s wonderful. And there’s there teeny weeny little part that feels completely empty without her here too.

About Laura

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." -e.e. cummings
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3 Responses to Missing

  1. Is that you in the photo with your grandma? If so, Noel looks EXACTLY like you! Miss you, friend!

  2. Darcy says:

    I haven't visited any of my grandparents graves (I have three dead) and haven't thought of it really until now :-(! How sad is that? That just goes to show what a great relationship you must have had with her. I had almost no relationship with any of mine, BUT STILL, a trip to the cemetery might be cathartic…

  3. L,
    I can understand. My heart has never been the same without Gma Hendricks. I always think of her and how she would have loved this or that. She would have loved my kids and it breaks my heart that she never saw them or the woman I have become. I think she would be proud of me.I am not a religous person but it makes me happy to think she is here with me somehow. I do things to honor her too. When I sew quilts I always put something in to represent her. I visit her grave everytime I am in KC and leave her a little something, usually a note or piece of fabric.I would like to say it gets better but all I do know is that is not one damn thing you can do about. That being said my kids know all about her like she is here with us. I figure that is something. Love ya, Melissa
    ps love the blog, just saw it. keep going

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